Well, Actually: Psychologist Dr. Aileen Alegado Answers Reader Questions - Vol 2

Q.

I have high cortisol levels and it feels like I can't seem to combat this. Any advice on how to lessen my stress levels?

— Ray E

A.

Cortisol is your body's primary stress hormone. It's essential in short bursts, but chronically elevated levels dysregulate your HPA (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal) axis, affecting sleep, immunity, and mood. The most evidence-based levers are often the unsexy ones: consistent sleep (cortisol follows a circadian rhythm, so irregular sleep disrupts its natural decline), daily movement (aerobic exercise metabolises cortisol), and brief mindfulness practice (even 10 minutes activates the parasympathetic nervous system). Worth noting is caffeine directly stimulates cortisol release, so if you're relying on it to get through the day, that may be part of the loop. Start with sleep and see what shifts.

Q.

I'm realising that most of my friendships revolve around alcohol. I'm trying to cut back, but then I feel awkward and excluded. How do you navigate social change without losing your friends or community?

— Tanith L

A.

There is a trend in people choosing sobriety over time, so this culture is slowly shifting in society, nevertheless difficult in the moment. Shared rituals bond people, and alcohol has long been one of society's primary social anchors. When you step away from a shared behaviour, it can unconsciously signal difference, and that triggers a sense of not belonging, which is interpreted by your brain as threat. But here's what you need to keep in mind: discomfort is temporary, and the identity shift is the goal. You're not losing your friends; you're discovering which friendships were built on the activity versus the actual connection. Practically, you don't have to make a big announcement. Show up, order something else, and let your presence speak. The friends who matter will adjust.

Q.

My partner's mental health struggles have become the centre of our relationship. How do I support them while still taking care of myself?

— Gabby

A.

There's a concept in psychology called compassion fatigue. When we chronically prioritise another's emotional needs, our own nervous system pays the cost. Supporting a partner with mental health challenges is an act of love, but sustainable love requires you to remain a full person within the relationship, not just have a role of caregiver. This means maintaining your own routines, friendships, and emotional outlets — not as selfishness, but as a prerequisite to showing up long-term. It also means being honest about what you can and can't hold. Saying "I love you and I'm struggling too" is not abandonment, it's intimacy.

Q.

Travel used to be my escape — new countries, new energy. But now with all the uncertainty and rising costs, I feel like I can't make this indulgence. Any recommendations on how to chase the feeling of wanderlust at home?

— Sean N

A.

What travel actually gives us psychologically isn't the passport stamp — it's novelty. New environments force us out of autopilot and activate present-moment awareness, which is why we feel so alive abroad. The good news is your brain responds to novelty the same way anywhere you are in the world. Deliberately breaking routine; visiting a new neighbourhood, trying a cuisine you've never cooked, a local festival, a weekend microtrip — all activates similar neural pathways. The key word is intentional. It has to be something you treat with the same sense of anticipation and presence you'd bring to travel. Wonder is a mindset, not just a postcode.

Q.

I constantly feel frazzled, confused and not as sharp as I used to feel. While the doctors have confirmed my bloodwork is fine, I am getting increasingly stressed about why this could be? Any advice on slowing down and getting my head back in order?

— GK

A.

When physical causes are ruled out, the culprit is almost always cognitive overload and chronic stress is the biggest driver of that. Sustained pressure impairs the prefrontal cortex, which governs clarity, decision-making, and focus. It's not that something is wrong with you; your brain is operating in a depleted state. The way back isn't trying harder — it's strategic recovery. Prioritise sleep (where memory consolidation and neural repair occur), reduce decision load where you can, and experiment with single-tasking and blocking time for deep work. Cognitive sharpness is less about intelligence and more about nervous system regulation. Slowing down is not laziness — it's the intervention.

Q.

I had a falling out with a friend over differing political views, and I feel guilty and I miss her. Is it possible to repair a friendship when you see the world so black and white?

— Anonymous

A.

Yes, but it requires a shift in what you're trying to achieve. If the goal is to convince each other, the friendship won't survive. If the goal is to reconnect with the person, it can. Research on moral psychology shows that our values are deeply tied to identity, so political disagreements can feel like personal attacks. Repair begins by separating the person from the political position and reaching out not to debate, but to say, "I miss you and I value our friendship." That's not naive. That's a sophisticated emotional choice. Some differences can coexist within relationships; what usually can't be contempt. If the disagreement was sharp but not dehumanising, it would be worth a conversation.